Monday 13 June 2011

James - be careful not to swap between past & present tense. Describe what is happening, paint a picture don't just list what is happening.


When they started it felt like the longest journey of Lance’s life. (started what, where are they)

Turning the key the car spluttered to life, the weather was so bad lance knew this was going to be slow trip to the supermarket..

Journey to the Supermarket

It was a cold, rainy day and Lance had nothing to do. His mum said they need to go to the supermarket to get some food. Lance decided to go because he had nothing to do. As they walked out to the car the wind was blowing on Lance’s raincoat and the rain was poring down on his head. When they sat down in the car they both resized that the windscreen was covered with rain. Lance thought he heard the car being pushed into the garden because of the wind was so strong.

When they started it felt like the longest journey of Lance’s life. It felt like they were going 1 kilometer an hour. After 5 minutes Lance could not stand it all he could hear was the splash of the rain and the gust of the wind. He turned the radio on the his favourite channel. Soon they ran into some roadworks were they were going slower than normal. The were working on a long stretch of road and toke 5 minutes to clear. The rain continued to poor down on the car. When his mum said only one more kilometer to go. He was jumping for joy. This was long lived because up ahead there was a round abound with a huge line of traffic. This toke 10 minuets to get to the front of the line. When they got to the front they must have been there for a minute because cars just kept on coming just before they were going to go. With the supermarket in Lance’s sight it felt great but then the police were doing a breath test and they happened to pull Lance and his mum over to test his mum. After they finally got to the supermarket. It must have taken then half an hour to get the the supermarket when it normally would take 10 minutes.

The supermarket was the best part of Lance’s day jumping on the kart and getting a chocolate bar for helping his mum. The worst part was when they had to put the groceries in the back of the car because it was still pouring with rain. When his mum asked him if he could take the kart to the trolley bay it was still raining and cold. The wind was blowing on his jacket and just felt awful. When he got back he was cold and dripping with rain.

The journey home was just as bad as the journey to the supermarket. But this time it was faster because the police did not pull them over and at the round abound they had the flow of traffic so they cloud get out fast. They still toke 5 minutes at the road works. Last time it toke half to get the supermarket, and this time it toke 20 minutes. When they got home it was still raining and did not look like stopping. They brought all the groceries in and had something to eat. They also had a shower to get warm. It was the longest journey of Lance’s life.

Thursday 9 June 2011

Main Characters: Jason and Mike

Characters: Prime Mister, Crazy Old Man, Teacher, Room 30, Parent

Plot: School trip to the Bee Hive gets intrepid by a old man thinking he know every thing.

Theme: School trip to Bee Hive (journey)

Next Steps - Target
Proper nouns have capital letters, find the proper nouns in your writing and add capitals e.g. Beehive. James try describing the story rather than listing what is happening e.g

As they went into the next room which was the prime misters office.

Entering the next room quietly a small whisper began as the children realised it was Prime Ministers office. Jason and Mike were filled with pride when they found out that children were not usually allowed in here ...


Bee Hive School Trip

On the 22 on July room 30 took a field trip to the bee hive in Wellington because, they have been studying about all the things to do in Wellington. When they got there they got the privilege of meeting the prime mister in person. The prime mister said to all the kids “ Welcome to the amazing bee hive. He also said that he was going to be there tour gide today. All the kids screamed “YAY!” Before they walked into the bee hive they got split into groups. There was two kids to a parent. Jason and Mike where in a group together. They started talking all about how the prime mister was there tour guide “This has to be the best thing ever having the prime mister being our tour guide” said Jason, Mike completely agreed with him.

When they started walking into the bee hive all the kids were pushing and shoving to get in first. The teacher made them stop and all get in a boy, girl line. Once they all got in the line they started to walk in. Jason and Mike were at the back wanting to get in. When they got to the front the bee hive looked amazing. Jason and Mike could not believe their eyes. They were in shock and this is only the beginning of the journey though the Bee Hive.

First the teachers talked about who the day was planned out. After that they continued with there tour though the bee hive. As they went into the next room which was the prime misters office. The prime mister said that he does not usually allow kids in his office but you guys are such a cool group of kids he thought he would let you in my office.

Later it was lunch time where all the kids sat down and eat there lunch. They also had time to reflect on the day. As soon as lunch had finished all of room 30 wanted to go back inside to finish there tour. The next room the prime mister showed them was a room that looked like a big court room. This is where all the big decision’s are made like new laws and stuff like that are made.” explained the prime mister. As they were just about to leave the big court room they saw and crazy old man. The old man was the Bee Hive cleaner and was talking about something. Some of the kids started to laugh because he was talking to himself.

The man then started to yell and saying that everything that the politics do is not right and all there laws are bad and don’t help anyone at all. The prime mister said that “He is only lying what we do here is very helpfully to the public.” The old man disagreed with the prime mister. Some of the teachers started to talk to him but they were getting no luck. One of the parents tried to calm him down but that did not work either. “What do we do now” asked some kids. “He is in the way” another kids said. “Get out of the way!” shouted some kids. “Yelling at him will not make him move” the teacher explained. “How about we talk to him?” asked Jason and Mike. “I guess it might work” The teachers and prime mister said. So Jason and Mike went to see if they could get the old man out of there way.

“Excuse me sir would you please move?” Jason asked very nicely. “No way I will not move until the government to something to help the public!” yelled the old man. “The government do lots of things to help the public” Mike said. “Yeah like they keep the city clean” Jason said. “I guess you are right they do, do a lot to help the city” the old man said. “See I knew that you knew that the government does lots of thing’s to help, could you please move so we can finish our tour?” asked Mike “Alright I will move” the old man said

All the kids cheered with joy because the old man finally moved out of the way. The prime mister congratulated Jason and Mike. As they just finished there tour though the bee hive all the kids were talking about what they had seen and done today. After that all the kids went home with lots to tell there parents.

Monday 30 May 2011

Main Characters: Jason and Mike

Characters: Prime Mister, CRAZY Old Man, Teacher, Room 30, Parent

Plot: School trip to the Bee Hive gets intrepid by a old man thinking he know every thing.

Theme: School trip to Bee Hive (journey)


Bee Hive School Trip

On the 22 on July room 30 took a field trip to the bee hive in Wellington because, they have been studying about all the things to do in Wellington. When they got there they got the privilege of meeting the prime mister in person. The prime mister said to all the kids “ Welcome to the amazing bee hive. This is where politics work.” The last thing he had to say was that he was going to be their tour guide for the day. All the kids screamed “YAY!” Before they walked into the bee hive they got split into groups. There was two kids to a parent. Jason and Mike where in a group together. They started talking all about how the prime mister was there tour guide “This has to be the best thing ever having the prime mister being our tour guide” said Jason, Mike completely agreed with him.

When they started walking into the bee hive all the kids were pushing and shoving to get in first. The teacher made them stop and all get in a boy, girl line. Once they all got in the line they started to walk in. Jason and Mike were at the back wanting to get in. When they got to the front it was huge and looked amazing. Jason and mike could not believe their eyes. They were in shock and this is only the beginning of the journey though the Bee Hive.

The prime mister started to talk all about the Bee Hive and its history. He only said some facts and said he will save the rest for later. The teachers started to talk and say “The way today will be planned out is we will have half of our tour, then go outside for some lunch after that, we will come back inside for the rest of our tour and finish at 3:00.”

After the teachers had finished talking and planning out the day they continued with there tour though out the bee hive. As they went into the next room which was the prime misters office. The prime mister said that he does not usually allow kids in his office but you guys are such a cool group of kids I thought I would let you in my office.

As it soon reached lunch time all the kids walked out to some HUGE steps to sit down and have their lunch and reflect on what had happened so far. “Today has been so cool, can’t wait till after lunch” explained Jason. “You are so right, I wonder what we are going to do after lunch?” Mike said

As soon as lunch had finished all of room 30 wanted to go back inside to finish there tour. The next room the prime mister showed them was a room that looked like a big court room with desk’s everywhere. “This is where all the big decision’s are made like new laws and stuff like that.” explained the prime mister. As they were just about to leave the big court room they saw and crazy old man. The crazy old man was the Bee Hive cleaner and was talking about something. Some of the kids started laughing at the crazy old man because he was talking to himself.

The man then started to yell and saying that everything that the politics do is not right and all there laws are bad and don’t help anyone at all. The prime mister said that “He is only lying what we do here is very helpfully to the public.” The old man disagreed with the prime mister. Some of the teachers started to talk to him but they were getting no luck. One of the parents tried to calm him down but that did not work either. “What do we do now” asked some kids. “He is in the way” another kids said. “Get out of the way!” shouted some kids. “Yelling at him will not make him move” the teacher explained to room 30. “How about we talk to him?” asked Jason and Mike. “I guess it might work” The teachers and prime mister said. So Jason and Mike went to see if they could get the old man out of there way.

“Excuse me sir would you please move?” Jason asked very nicely. “No way I will not move until the government to something to help the public!” yelled the old man. “The government do lots of things to help the public” Mike said. “Yeah like they keep the city clean” Jason said. “I guess you are right they do, do a lot to help the city” the old man said. “See I knew that you knew that the government does lots of thing’s to help, could you please move so we can finish our tour?” asked Mike “Alright I will move” the old man said

All the kids cheered with joy because the old man finally moved out of the way. The prime mister congratulated Jason and Mike. He gave then all a free pot of honey that the bee hive sell. As they just finished there tour though the bee hive all the kids were talking about what they had seen and done today. Jason was the kid that got to say thank you for being our tour guide to the prime mister. After that all the kids went home with lots to tell there parents.

The End

Monday 23 May 2011

Main Characters: Jason and Mike

Characters: Prime Mister, CRAZY Old Man, Teacher, Room 30, Parent

Plot: School trip to the Bee Hive gets intrepid by a old man thinking he know every thing.

Theme: School trip to Bee Hive (journey)


Bee Hive School Trip

On the 22 on July room 30 took a field trip to the bee hive in Wellington because, they have been studying about all the things to do in Wellington. When they got there they got the privilege of meeting the prime mister in person. The prime mister said to all the kids “ Welcome to the amazing bee hive. This is where politics happens.” The last thing he had to say was that he was going to be their tour guide for today. All the kids screamed “YAY! Before they walked into the bee hive they got split into groups. There was two kids to a parent. Jason and Mike where in a group together. They started talking all about how the prime mister was there tour guide “This has to be the best thing ever having the prime mister being our tour guide.” said Jason, Mike completely agreed with him.

When they started walking into the bee hive al the kids were pushing and shoving to get in first. The teacher made them stop and all get in a boy, girl line. Once they all got in the line they started to walk in. Jason and Mike were at the back wanting to get in. When they got in the front was huge and looked amazing. Jason and mike could not believe their eyes. They were in shock and this is only the beginning of the journey though the Bee Hive.

The prime mister started to talk all about the Bee Hive and its history. He only said some facts and said he will save the rest for later. The teachers started to talk and said “The way today will be planned out is we will have half of our tour, then go outside for some lunch after that, we will come back inside for the rest of our tour and finish at 3:00.”

After the teachers had finished talking and planning out the day they continue with there tour though out the bee hive. As they went into the next room which was the prime mister office. The prime mister said that he does not usually allow kids in his office but you guys are such a cool group of kids I thought I would let you in my office.

As it soon reached lunch time all the kids walked out to some HUGE steps to sit down and have their lunch and reflect on their so far, because they have had such a huge day so far. “Today has bee so cool can’t wait till after lunch” explained Jason. “You are so right, I wondered what we are going to do after lunch?” Mike said

As soon as lunch had finished all of room 30 wanted to go back inside to finish there tour. The next room the prime mister showed then was a room that looked like a big court room with desk’s everywhere. “This is where all the big decision’s are made like new laws and stuff like that.” explained the prime mister. As they were just about to leave the big court room the saw and crazy old man. The crazy old man was the Bee Hive cleaner and was talking about something. Some of the kids started laughing at the crazy old man because he was talking to himself.

The man then started to yell and saying the everything that the politics is not right all there laws are bad and don’t help anyone at all. The prime mister said that “He is only lying what we do here is very helpfully to the public.” The old man disagreed with the rime mister. Some of the teachers started to talk to him but they were getting no luck. One of the parents tried to calm him down but that did not work either. “What do we do now” asked some kids. “He is in the way” another kids said. “Get out of the way!” shouted some kids. “Yelling at him will not make him move” the teacher explained to room 30. “How about we talk to him?” asked Jason and Mike. “I guess it might work” The teachers and prime mister said. So of Jason and Mike went, to see if the could get the old man out of there way.

“Excuse me sir would you please like to move?” jason asked very nicely. “No way I will not move until the government to something to help the public!” yelled the old man. “The government do lots to help the public” Mike said. “Yer like they keep the city clean” Jason said. “I guess you are right they do, do a lot to help the city” the old man said. “See I knew that you knew that the government does lots of thing’s to help, could you please move so we can finish our tour?” asked Mike “Alright I will move” the old man said

All the kids cheered with joy because the old man finally moved out of the way. The prime mister congratulated Jason and Mike. He gave then all a free pot of honey that the bee hive sell. As the just finished there tour though the bee hive all the kids were talking about what they had seen and done today. Jason was the kid that got to say thank you for being our tour guide to the prime mister. After that all the kids went home with lots to tell there parents.


Thursday 19 May 2011

Main Characters: Jason and Mike

Characters: Prime Mister, CRAZY Old Man, Teacher, Room 30, Parent

Plot: School trip to the Bee Hive gets intrepid by a old man thinking he know every thing.

Theme: School trip to Bee Hive (journey)


Bee Hive School Trip

On the 22 on July room 30 took a field trip to the bee hive in Wellington because, they have been studying about all the things to do in Wellington. When they got there they got the privilege of meeting the prime mister in person. The prime mister said to all the kids “ Welcome to the amazing bee hive. This is where politics happens.” The last thing he had to say was that he was going to be their tour guide for today. All the kids screamed “YAY! Before they walked into the bee hive they got split into groups. There was two kids to a parent. Jason and Mike where in a group together. They started talking all about how the prime mister was there tour guide “This has to be the best thing ever having the prime mister being our tour guide.” said Jason, Mike completely agreed with him.

When they started walking into the bee hive al the kids were pushing and shoving to get in first. The teacher made them stop and all get in a boy, girl line. Once they all got in the line they started to walk in. Jason and Mike were at the back wanting to get in. When they got in the front was huge and looked amazing. Jason and mike could not believe their eyes. They were in shock and this is only the beginning of the journey though the Bee Hive.

The prime mister started to talk all about the Bee Hive and its history. He only said some facts and said he will save the rest for later. The teachers started to talk and said “The way today will be planned out is we will have half of our tour, then go outside for some lunch after that, we will come back inside for the rest of our tour and finish at 3:00.”

After the teachers had finished talking and planning out the day they continue with there tour though out the bee hive. As they went into the next room which was the prime mister office. The prime mister said that he does not usually allow kids in his office but you guys are such a cool group of kids I thought I would let you in my office.

As it soon reached lunch time all the kids walked out to some HUGE steps to sit down and have their lunch and reflect on their so far, because they have had such a huge day so far. “Today has bee so cool can’t wait till after lunch” explained Jason. “You are so right, I wondered what we are going to do after lunch?” Mike said

As soon as lunch had finished all of room 30 wanted to go back inside to finish there tour. The next room the prime mister showed then was a room that looked like a big court room with desk’s everywhere. “This is where all the big decision’s are made like new laws and stuff like that.” explained the prime mister. As they were just about to leave the big court room the saw and crazy old man. The crazy old man was the Bee Hive cleaner and was talking about something. Some of the kids started laughing at the crazy old man because he was talking to himself.

The man then started to yell and saying the everything that the politics is not right all there laws are bad and don’t help anyone at all. The prime mister said that “He is only lying what we do here is very helpfully to the public.” The old man disagreed with the rime mister. Some of the teachers started to talk to him but they were getting no luck. One of the parents tried to calm him down but that did not work either. “What do we do now” asked some kids. “He is in the way” another kids said. “Get out of the way!” shouted some kids. “Yelling at him will not make him move” the teacher explained to room 30. “How about we talk to him?” asked Jason and Mike. “I guess it might work” The teachers and prime mister said. So of Jason and Mike went, to see if the could get the old man out of there way.

“Excuse me sir would you please like to move?” jason asked very nicely. “No way I will not move until the government to something to help the public!” yelled the old man. “The government do lots to help the public” Mike said. “Yer like they keep the city clean” Jason said. “I guess you are right they do, do a lot to help the city” the old man said. “See I knew that you knew that the government does lots of thing’s, could you please move so we can finish our tour?” asked Mike


Wednesday 18 May 2011

Main Characters: Jason and Mike

Characters: Prime Mister, CRAZY Old Man, Teacher, Room 30, Parent

Plot: School trip to the Bee Hive gets intrepid by a old man thinking he know every thing.

Theme: School trip to Bee Hive (journey)


Bee Hive School Trip

On the 22 on July room 30 took a field trip to the bee hive in Wellington because, they have been studying about all the things to do in Wellington. When they got there they got the privilege of meeting the prime mister in person. The prime mister said to all the kids “ Welcome to the amazing bee hive. This is where politics happens.” The last thing he had to say was that he was going to be their tour guide for today. All the kids screamed “YAY! Before they walked into the bee hive they got split into groups. There was two kids to a parent. Jason and Mike where in a group together. They started talking all about how the prime mister was there tour guide “This has to be the best thing ever having the prime mister being our tour guide.” said Jason, Mike completely agreed with him.

When they started walking into the bee hive al the kids were pushing and shoving to get in first. The teacher made them stop and all get in a boy, girl line. Once they all got in the line they started to walk in. Jason and Mike were at the back wanting to get in. When they got in the front was huge and looked amazing. Jason and mike could not believe their eyes. They were in shock and this is only the beginning of the journey though the Bee Hive.

The prime mister started to talk all about the Bee Hive and its history. He only said some facts and said he will save the rest for later. The teachers started to talk and said “The way today will be planned out is we will have half of our tour, then go outside for some lunch after that, we will come back inside for the rest of our tour and finish at 3:00.”

After the teachers had finished talking and planning out the day they continue with there tour though out the bee hive. As they went into the next room which was the prime mister office. The prime mister said that he does not usually allow kids in his office but you guys are such a cool group of kids I thought I would let you in my office.

As it soon reached lunch time all the kids walked out to some HUGE steps to sit down and have their lunch and reflect on their so far, because they have had such a huge day so far. “Today has bee so cool can’t wait till after lunch” explained Jason. “You are so right, I wondered what we are going to do after lunch?” Mike said

As soon as lunch had finished all of room 30 wanted to go back inside to finish there tour. The next room the prime mister showed then was a room that looked like a big court room with desk’s everywhere.

Good job James I liked how you put in full detail so I knew what you are talking about. A few mistakes but none that can't be fixed. Good job! (Mitchell)


Monday 16 May 2011

Main Characters: Jason and Mike

Characters: Prime Mister, CRAZY Old Man, Teacher, Room 30, Parent

Plot: School trip to the Bee Hive gets intrepid by a old man thinking he know every thing.

Theme: School trip to Bee Hive (journey)


Bee Hive School Trip

On the 22 on July room 30 took a field trip to the bee hive in Wellington because, they have been studying about all the things to do in Wellington. When they got there they got the privilege of meeting the prime mister in person. The prime mister said to all the kids “ Welcome to the amazing bee hive. This is where politics happens.” The last thing he had to say was that he was going to be their tour guide for today. All the kids screamed “YAY! Before they walked into the bee hive they got split into groups. There was two kids to a parent. Jason and Mike where in a group together. They started talking all about how the prime mister was there tour guide “This has to be the best thing ever having the prime mister being our tour guide.” said Jason, Mike completely agreed with Jason.

When they started walking into the bee hive al the kids were pushing and shoving to get in first. The teacher made them stop and all get in a boy, girl line. Once they all got in the line they started to walk in. Jason and Mike were at the back wanting to get in. When they got in the front was huge and looked amazing.